So as usual we went to the GEF on Thursday night and came back on the Monday late, having visited the Frewzles. The GEF is never a good event for me since my Dad passed on the Thursday night before, the fact it is 8 years on does not make It any easier, just less painful.Anyway, we got home everything appeared to be relatively normal, the cat being unimpressed but pleased to see us, the gerbils the balls of cuteness. Tuesday was our recovery day and this involved the usual lazing around not doing a lot. During the day, I smiled at the cuteness of Nibbles (Albino) and Ginger (samd colour as the name) as they seemed to at one point be huddled together outside their usual nest with Nibbles effectively lying over Ginger. As I observed Ginger more later in the day, I realised she seemed quite fat, not so much in her face but her rear almost as though she was wearing clown like trousers, which frankly was not normal. Jinx (grey) has an ear infection so we had to give her antibiotics in the evening, this usuallly involved hilarity to a certain degree as we need 4 hands, 2 to hold her, 2 to administer. At the same time, I looked at Ginger and got ner out the cage, her breathing was laboured and she did not appear to be moving very well. I put her on my lap on a blanket and she seemed to be moving around to a certain degree, but it was clear something was wrong. Doing some research it looked like it could be something serious like an abdominal tumour and if this was the case, not much could be done.We agreed that the best thing was to see how she was doing the next day, before visiting the vet. Wednesday 29th May, I worked from home, keeping a close eye on Ginger whilst she appeared to be wanting her own space from the others, she still ate a chocolare drop when fed and appeared to be capable of moving around. In the afternoon however, she appeared to be struggling to breathe, visably finding it difficult to move or hold herself on her feet and at one point, Nibbles and Jinx appeared to be treating her rough.I booked an appointment with the vet at 5.20pm and put her in the carrier case an hour early. She did not seem to mind and more concerningly, had no appetite to chew or move around much. At the vet, I decided to put Ginger in my hand in the waiting room, that was the point I realised she was not going to be coming home alive, she was not moving, not bolding her weight on her legs and just rested her chin on my palm. She never moved and apeared to hardly notice when 2 other people were commenting on seeing her. This was severly out of character.It was not long before the vet called us in, she took one look at Ginger and her concern on her face told me what I needed to know, already fighting back the tears she grabbed my stuff and we headed into the consultation room. The advice was genuine, euthanasia was the kindest option, there was a brief discussion about draining the fluid but it would have been futile and selfish to keep Ginger alive. I got upset, not just because that was the advice, but the apparent suffering and struggle Ginger was coping with. The vet allowed me to stay in the consultation room, I called Rich and we waited for him to come down. I spoke to Mum whilst waiting and was given paperwork as we had to consider what to do with her body once she had been put to sleep.Whilst it was difficult waiting, it was lovely having time with Ginger, she moved occasionally, but I was able to stroke her and felt like she knew I was trying to support her. There were times in about the 30 minutes or so, that I felt it was ludicrous to consider putting her to sleep as she seemed to have some will left, this was quickly replaced with the thought of how selfish I was, when just like that, it was clear she was struggling.Rich arrived, we spent some more time with Ginger, a form was signed and she was placed in the carried and taken into the next room. The vet explained how Ginger would be put in an airtight container with her bedding and familiar smells, anesthetic gas was pumped into the box to put her to sleep, then she would be injected to bed the anesthetic and stop her heart. It took longer to explain than the event itself, it could not have been a minute before the vet came in, told us Ginger went to sleep very quickly, almost as if she was ready. A few minutes more, the carry case was returned, with her little body wrapped in blue tissue paper.
We went home, and life resumed. Ginger was never far from our thoughts. Today, 1st June at around 6pm we buried Ginger in our garden, we spent the week preparing in our own ways, I looked up memorial stones, poems, rituals etc. We went to the garden centre and I found Earl our spirit dragon, an appropraite stone statue to rest over the ground where Ginger would be buried. We dug a hole (Rich did most the hard work), we got Gingers body from the carry case, saw her body for the last time, shrouded her in paper and put her in the hole. I found a lovely prayer read it out and we took a handful of soil each and drizzles it before filling the hole in. Earl went on top, we surrounded him with stones.Tonight I have lit candles, insence and posted pictures of Earl. Why am I writing all this, I am not sure, maybe I do not want to forget, maybe it wil make me feel better....after all is this not what LJ is for?' I have loved you from the day you came into my life,
and now it is time for me to let you go.
I could not watch you suffer,
I could not see you in pain.
Now you are free.
Your body is no longer sick,
or weak, or hurting.
Now you can run with the others,
playing and hunting as wild things do.
Because I loved you,
I had to let you go.
You will live forever in my heart.'